I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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