i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
