if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize