Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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