you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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