i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
