In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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