I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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