What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
