not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
wow bdsm is so cute
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
