I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
