New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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