and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
