But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize