I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
