At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
