how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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