I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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