sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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