She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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