M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
