ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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