Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
