I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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