I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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