Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
