Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
