My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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