Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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