u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
try to milk me bitch
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