dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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