I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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