We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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