do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
