I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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