Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
