Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
