Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
