Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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