can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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