i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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