My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
