Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its about making memories worth repressing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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