Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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