If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Panties = found
Randomize