saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
