I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
