Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
