sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
