I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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