You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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