grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize