smell my finger.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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