Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
