We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
