My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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