my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
