Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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