You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
