is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
