So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
