Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
