come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize