I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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