I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
