I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
