i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
