her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
