i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
