I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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