I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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