Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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