True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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