my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
