the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize