Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
