I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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