My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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