I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
