he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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