you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
