just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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