my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
