dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
