Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
