I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize