He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
