She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
