New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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