he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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