Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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