Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
