So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
