so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
