i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
