jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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